For my column this week I thought I would tackle what has been one of the great mysteries around here.
Something has been nagging at many of us for the past two weeks.
Did the opposing players go easy on Prince William in that polo game he played in when he was here recently? The guy scored four goals you know. I’ll explain a little later why that’s raising eyebrows among some skeptics.
Craig Smith
I know what you must be thinking. What the heck does Craig Smith know about polo? The answer is, more than you might think. Many years ago when I first came to town, I went out with a woman a couple of times and was beginning to wonder whether I was going to invoke the three strikes law against her and move on. So, one evening over drinks, I subtly asked her whether I stood a chance of ever getting past first base.
My baseball metaphor was responded to with some straight talk from an equestrienne. “Not unless you have a big fat wallet and a whole bunch of polo ponies for me to ride!”
Swell. All it takes is a jigger or two for her to be telling me I better know how to play a chukker or two.
Not only was she looking for a polo player, she wanted a patron to boot! The patron is the “big daddy.” He’s the guy who owns the horses, puts up the money for the tournament and recruits the other players for his team. Back then I had as much chance of becoming a patron as a black man had of being elected President.
Well, I figured even if I was never going to saddle up on a polo pony, I should learn a little bit about polo so I could at least talk a good game.
So, let me put that knowledge to work to answer the question: Did the other players ease up on His Royal Highness last month?
First clue that The Prince shouldn’t be scoring four goals is the number he wore on his polo shirt during the match. While a baseball player might choose and wear a number because he feels it is lucky or has some sentimental meaning, polo players wear numbers that correspond to their assigned duties on the field. There are four polo players on each team and no reserves or substitutes so you’ll never see a polo player wearing a number higher than 4.
The best player on the team is usually the player wearing number 3. He is the one who is expected to be the big scorer.
The second best player on the team usually wears number 2 and the primary defensive player on the team wears number 4, the number The Prince wore. Now, I didn’t say this was the weakest player on the team. Not by any means. But this is supposed to be the player whose primary duty is to play defense. So The Prince is supposed to be playing defense and he scored four of the five goals that were scored by his team? The final score was 5-3 meaning The Prince single handedly scored more goals than the opposing team combined!
This was reportedly the first time in the history of the Santa Barbara Polo & Racquet Club that a player scored four goals in a game. If somebody’s going to score four goals in a game you would expect it to be the team’s big gun, the player wearing number 3.
I guess R.H.I.P (Royalty Has Its Privileges).
It’s kind of like when Barack Obama showed up to a University of North Carolina basketball practice to shoot a few hoops during the 2008 campaign. When he drove the lane trying to get a lay-up I didn’t see any North Carolina players stepping into the paint and planting their feet in order to draw the charging foul let alone trying to send him any messages about whose “house” he was in.
I rest my case.
By the way, anybody out there know if there’s any trash talking in polo? I mean other than what I heard at that bar a long, long time ago.
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